LMS: Catwoman Vs Black Cat

In a tribute to my beloved Geelong Cats playing this Saturday in the AFL Grand Final, let's have too felines battle it out in today's Last Man Standing feature!

From the DC Universe, Batman's former paramour and long-time nemesis/ally, it's Selina Kyle, Catwoman!

From the Marvel Universe, Spider-man's former fuckbuddy and possible booty-call partner, it's Felicia Hardy, the Black Cat!


Tale of the Tape

Jumps across the rooftops of:
Catwoman - Gotham City
Black Cat - New York City

Kinky weapon of choice
Catwoman - Black leather whip
Black Cat - sex appeal

Hates:
Catwoman - long dangly thread-like things
Black Cat - hairballs

Favourite cartoon character
Catwoman - Azrael, Gargamel's cat from the Smurfs
Black Cat - Felix

Most noticeable feature
Catwoman - cat cowl made famous in "Ghost World"
Black Cat - S&M bondage leather-tight suit with furry accessories

THE PLAYERS:
Selina Kyle worked as a prostitute until her sister Maggie was abducted and violently abused by Selina's pimp. Selina kills her pimp and then goes on to be the anti-hero and sometime villain Gotham would come to know as Catwoman!

The daughter of a famous cat burglar, Felicia Hardy was raped at a young age by her college boyfriend. Hating the idea of being a victim, she trained in various fighting styles and acrobatics but her boyfriend was killed before she could get her revenge. Felicia then followed in her father's footsteps as the furry feline with bad luck powers, the Black Cat!

THE BATTLE:
Selina Kyle is hosting a charity for Gotham's elite in which the famous jewels of the Nile are being displayed from her own private collection. "How I wish Bruce were here to see this," Selina thinks to herself. "I've become one of Gotham's most well-known socialites!"

As the last guest leaves for the evening and Selina shuts the doors to the ballroom, a black figure slinks from the shadows in the ceiling. Careful not to trip any invisible wires, Felicia Hardy licks her lips as she carefully removes the glass container holding the jewels. "Come to momma, my pretties!" Felicia exclaims, hardly believing how easy this heist was turning out to be.

Without warning, a crack thunders through the air and Felicia feels hot needles of pain shooting through her hand, forcing her to drop the glass container which shatters on the ground. "Just what do you think you're doing bitch?" Catwoman asks as she emerges from the shadows, twirling her trusty whip menacingly around. "Funny, I didn't think there was another cat burglar for miles," Felicia taunts as she licks off the fresh blood streaming from the open wound on her hand.

The two combatants circle each other steathily, neither one making a sound. At the same instant, both females leap at each other and both land on the ground, hissing at each other and tearing at each other's costumes. A piece of Black Cat's white fur flies; a portion of Catwoman's skin-tight costume gets torn down the middle. Both combatants refuse to let go of each other and try to claw each other's eyes out.

As the two ladies roll around along the ground, the unthinkable happens: the chandelier from the roof gets dislodged from its housing and it falls to the ground. With a swift kick to Catwoman's midsection, Black Cat frees herself from Catwoman's grasp and rolls out of the way...just in time as the chandelier crashes into the prone body of Catwoman. Still semi-conscious, Catwoman manages to let out a soft groan: "Those...jewels...are...Bruce's..." Black Cat picks herself off the ground and aims another kick at Catwoman's head, knocking her truly unconscious.

"Sorry sugar, but bad luck follows anyone trying to tangle with me," she purrs as she gathers the jewels and stuffs them in her loot sack. "And there's only room for one top cat in this city!"

Winner: The Black Cat


Meow.