In a tribute to my beloved Geelong Cats playing this Saturday in the AFL Grand Final, let's have too felines battle it out in today's Last Man Standing feature!
From the DC Universe, Batman's former paramour and long-time nemesis/ally, it's Selina Kyle, Catwoman!
From the Marvel Universe, Spider-man's former fuckbuddy and possible booty-call partner, it's Felicia Hardy, the Black Cat!
Tale of the Tape
Jumps across the rooftops of:
Catwoman - Gotham City
Black Cat - New York City
Kinky weapon of choice
Catwoman - Black leather whip
Black Cat - sex appeal
Hates:
Catwoman - long dangly thread-like things
Black Cat - hairballs
Favourite cartoon character
Catwoman - Azrael, Gargamel's cat from the Smurfs
Black Cat - Felix
Most noticeable feature
Catwoman - cat cowl made famous in "Ghost World"
Black Cat - S&M bondage leather-tight suit with furry accessories
THE PLAYERS:
Selina Kyle worked as a prostitute until her sister Maggie was abducted and violently abused by Selina's pimp. Selina kills her pimp and then goes on to be the anti-hero and sometime villain Gotham would come to know as Catwoman!
The daughter of a famous cat burglar, Felicia Hardy was raped at a young age by her college boyfriend. Hating the idea of being a victim, she trained in various fighting styles and acrobatics but her boyfriend was killed before she could get her revenge. Felicia then followed in her father's footsteps as the furry feline with bad luck powers, the Black Cat!
THE BATTLE:
Selina Kyle is hosting a charity for Gotham's elite in which the famous jewels of the Nile are being displayed from her own private collection. "How I wish Bruce were here to see this," Selina thinks to herself. "I've become one of Gotham's most well-known socialites!"
As the last guest leaves for the evening and Selina shuts the doors to the ballroom, a black figure slinks from the shadows in the ceiling. Careful not to trip any invisible wires, Felicia Hardy licks her lips as she carefully removes the glass container holding the jewels. "Come to momma, my pretties!" Felicia exclaims, hardly believing how easy this heist was turning out to be.
Without warning, a crack thunders through the air and Felicia feels hot needles of pain shooting through her hand, forcing her to drop the glass container which shatters on the ground. "Just what do you think you're doing bitch?" Catwoman asks as she emerges from the shadows, twirling her trusty whip menacingly around. "Funny, I didn't think there was another cat burglar for miles," Felicia taunts as she licks off the fresh blood streaming from the open wound on her hand.
The two combatants circle each other steathily, neither one making a sound. At the same instant, both females leap at each other and both land on the ground, hissing at each other and tearing at each other's costumes. A piece of Black Cat's white fur flies; a portion of Catwoman's skin-tight costume gets torn down the middle. Both combatants refuse to let go of each other and try to claw each other's eyes out.
As the two ladies roll around along the ground, the unthinkable happens: the chandelier from the roof gets dislodged from its housing and it falls to the ground. With a swift kick to Catwoman's midsection, Black Cat frees herself from Catwoman's grasp and rolls out of the way...just in time as the chandelier crashes into the prone body of Catwoman. Still semi-conscious, Catwoman manages to let out a soft groan: "Those...jewels...are...Bruce's..." Black Cat picks herself off the ground and aims another kick at Catwoman's head, knocking her truly unconscious.
"Sorry sugar, but bad luck follows anyone trying to tangle with me," she purrs as she gathers the jewels and stuffs them in her loot sack. "And there's only room for one top cat in this city!"
Winner: The Black Cat
Meow.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
LMS: Silver Surfer Vs Dr Manhattan
Let's pit two of the most powerful members in their respective universes against each other! On the one side, Norrin Radd. On the other, Dr Jon Osterman!
Tale of the Tape
Home:
Silver Surfer - space, originally Zenn-La
Dr Manhattan - New York City
Nature:
Silver Surfer - compassionate, loves all living things
Dr Manhattan - aloof, thinks he's above all living things
Complexion:
Silver Surfer - chrome silver, shiny, smooth and cold to the touch
Dr Manhattan - sky blue, blends in when standing in front of a blue screen
Most often mistaken for:
Silver Surfer - T-1000 from Terminator 2
Dr Manhattan - a balder, nuder version of Blue Devil
Most distasteful feature:
Silver Surfer - the surfboard. What is this, the 90s?
Dr Manhattan - walking around nude 80 per cent of the time
THE PLAYERS:
In order to save his home planet from the planet-eater Galactus, Norrin Radd pledges to serve as Galactus' herald, surfing the spaceways as the power-cosmic imbued Silver Surfer!
After an accident in a nuclear physics experiment, Dr Jon Osterman finds himself reborn with the ability to control matter at a molecular level, fighting supercrime as the all-powerful hero, Dr Manhattan!
THE BATTLE:
The Surfer's search for a planet that can sustain the great Galactus' hunger leads him to a familiar planet; a city which has streets caked in dried blood; grime and dirt on every passing corner; a world harbouring on nuclear holocaust: Earth! Deciding that this planet's beings are about to destroy themselves anyway, Surfer fires a beacon into space, signalling to his master that his search for a new food source is over!
From halfway across the world at the peak of Mt Kilimanjaro where Dr Manhattan is meditating, he feels the strange sensation of a power unfamiliar to him. Dr Manhattan opens his eyes in time to see the light beacon careening through the sky. Within an instant, Dr Manhattan traces the beacon to the origin and teleports himself to New York City. The Silver Surfer hovers above the Empire State Building when all of a sudden, he feels the atoms in the air shifting behind him and where there once was nothing, now stands a peculiar blue man.
The surfer instantly recognises a kindred soul: someone who cannot relate to the world he lives in; someone who's great power supercedes the other inhabitants on the planet; someone who's as nude as he is. "My name is Norrin Radd and I sense in you great pain," Surfer says as he opens up his palm and stretches it towards Dr Manhattan.
"Leave," Dr Manhattan growls and with an outstretched arm, he snaps his finger, trying to force the Silver Surfer to dematerialise before him. "Eh?" Dr Manhattan gasps as nothing happens. "The power I feel in you...I can't atomise you?" The Surfer is puzzled, not certain of the strange tingling sensation he feels against his skin. "You are too powerful to be on this planet. Begone." Dr Manhattan growls again as he shoots hot lava into the Surfer's chest, knocking him off his board.
As the Surfer freefalls, he shakes his head sadly. "Surely I have misjudged this one. But if it's a fight he wants, then let the power cosmic surging through me be the end of his pitiful existence! To me, my board!" the Surfer muses as his surfboard shifts in midair, flies back and catches the Surfer on his feet.
The Surfer unleashes a salvo of cosmic blasts towards Dr Manhattan, all of which are dissipated in mid-flight with a simple wave of Dr Manhattan's hand. "Truly you are powerful. Surely we can try to attain some peaceful negotiation?" the Surfer says. Dr Manhattan's reply is to harden his fist into diamond and punch the Surfer in the face.
Dazed, the Surfer feels a trickle of wetness flow down his lips. He wipes his face with the back of his forearm, only to realise the Dr Manhattan has done what a billion other sentient beings across the universe has failed to do: make the Surfer bleed! Enraged, the Surfer starts zipping across the sky, unleashing bolt after bolt of cosmic energy towards Dr Manhattan. None of them reach its target.
Dr Manhattan waves his arm and all of a sudden, the Surfer gets caught in a prison of adamantium shaped as a ball! Dr Manhattan constricts the ball of adamantium as the Surfer lets out an anguished scream. The ball gets tinier and tinier...and then it self implodes with a blaze of cosmic energy lighting up the sky! "You were a strange one invading this cesspool of a world...but this is MY world and invaders will not be tolerated," Dr Manhattan says coldly. Suddenly, a roar of thunder erupts in the sky and Dr Manhattan's persona is buffetted by waves of cosmic force so powerful that it brings him to his knees.
"Where is my herald?" a booming voice erupts from the sky above. "I no longer sense his presence."
"INVADERS. WILL. NOT. BE. TOLERATED." Dr Manhattan deadpans as he unleashes the fury of his powers in a futile attempt to get rid of the world devourer. Hours later, the planet is left a lifeless empty shell as Galactus leaves in search of his next meal. "I really should have made that blue creature my new herald, but he was such an annoying insect...and he made for a nice appetiser."
Winner: Dr Manhattan. That is, before he chose to attack Galactus.
Agree? Disagree? Tell us your thoughts!
Tale of the Tape
Home:
Silver Surfer - space, originally Zenn-La
Dr Manhattan - New York City
Nature:
Silver Surfer - compassionate, loves all living things
Dr Manhattan - aloof, thinks he's above all living things
Complexion:
Silver Surfer - chrome silver, shiny, smooth and cold to the touch
Dr Manhattan - sky blue, blends in when standing in front of a blue screen
Most often mistaken for:
Silver Surfer - T-1000 from Terminator 2
Dr Manhattan - a balder, nuder version of Blue Devil
Most distasteful feature:
Silver Surfer - the surfboard. What is this, the 90s?
Dr Manhattan - walking around nude 80 per cent of the time
THE PLAYERS:
In order to save his home planet from the planet-eater Galactus, Norrin Radd pledges to serve as Galactus' herald, surfing the spaceways as the power-cosmic imbued Silver Surfer!
After an accident in a nuclear physics experiment, Dr Jon Osterman finds himself reborn with the ability to control matter at a molecular level, fighting supercrime as the all-powerful hero, Dr Manhattan!
THE BATTLE:
The Surfer's search for a planet that can sustain the great Galactus' hunger leads him to a familiar planet; a city which has streets caked in dried blood; grime and dirt on every passing corner; a world harbouring on nuclear holocaust: Earth! Deciding that this planet's beings are about to destroy themselves anyway, Surfer fires a beacon into space, signalling to his master that his search for a new food source is over!
From halfway across the world at the peak of Mt Kilimanjaro where Dr Manhattan is meditating, he feels the strange sensation of a power unfamiliar to him. Dr Manhattan opens his eyes in time to see the light beacon careening through the sky. Within an instant, Dr Manhattan traces the beacon to the origin and teleports himself to New York City. The Silver Surfer hovers above the Empire State Building when all of a sudden, he feels the atoms in the air shifting behind him and where there once was nothing, now stands a peculiar blue man.
The surfer instantly recognises a kindred soul: someone who cannot relate to the world he lives in; someone who's great power supercedes the other inhabitants on the planet; someone who's as nude as he is. "My name is Norrin Radd and I sense in you great pain," Surfer says as he opens up his palm and stretches it towards Dr Manhattan.
"Leave," Dr Manhattan growls and with an outstretched arm, he snaps his finger, trying to force the Silver Surfer to dematerialise before him. "Eh?" Dr Manhattan gasps as nothing happens. "The power I feel in you...I can't atomise you?" The Surfer is puzzled, not certain of the strange tingling sensation he feels against his skin. "You are too powerful to be on this planet. Begone." Dr Manhattan growls again as he shoots hot lava into the Surfer's chest, knocking him off his board.
As the Surfer freefalls, he shakes his head sadly. "Surely I have misjudged this one. But if it's a fight he wants, then let the power cosmic surging through me be the end of his pitiful existence! To me, my board!" the Surfer muses as his surfboard shifts in midair, flies back and catches the Surfer on his feet.
The Surfer unleashes a salvo of cosmic blasts towards Dr Manhattan, all of which are dissipated in mid-flight with a simple wave of Dr Manhattan's hand. "Truly you are powerful. Surely we can try to attain some peaceful negotiation?" the Surfer says. Dr Manhattan's reply is to harden his fist into diamond and punch the Surfer in the face.
Dazed, the Surfer feels a trickle of wetness flow down his lips. He wipes his face with the back of his forearm, only to realise the Dr Manhattan has done what a billion other sentient beings across the universe has failed to do: make the Surfer bleed! Enraged, the Surfer starts zipping across the sky, unleashing bolt after bolt of cosmic energy towards Dr Manhattan. None of them reach its target.
Dr Manhattan waves his arm and all of a sudden, the Surfer gets caught in a prison of adamantium shaped as a ball! Dr Manhattan constricts the ball of adamantium as the Surfer lets out an anguished scream. The ball gets tinier and tinier...and then it self implodes with a blaze of cosmic energy lighting up the sky! "You were a strange one invading this cesspool of a world...but this is MY world and invaders will not be tolerated," Dr Manhattan says coldly. Suddenly, a roar of thunder erupts in the sky and Dr Manhattan's persona is buffetted by waves of cosmic force so powerful that it brings him to his knees.
"Where is my herald?" a booming voice erupts from the sky above. "I no longer sense his presence."
"INVADERS. WILL. NOT. BE. TOLERATED." Dr Manhattan deadpans as he unleashes the fury of his powers in a futile attempt to get rid of the world devourer. Hours later, the planet is left a lifeless empty shell as Galactus leaves in search of his next meal. "I really should have made that blue creature my new herald, but he was such an annoying insect...and he made for a nice appetiser."
Winner: Dr Manhattan. That is, before he chose to attack Galactus.
Agree? Disagree? Tell us your thoughts!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
LMS: The Ultimates Vs The Avengers
The Marvel Universe's premier two superteams battle it out! The biggest guns of the Ultimate universe take on their contemporary counterparts from the regular Marvel universe.
But which Avengers roster should be represented? I guess since the two teams are duking it out, it'd be fair to have each team be represented by their alternative world counterparts, yeah? So we can tell which Hawkeye is better, which Black Widow is deadlier, etc etc.
Tale of the Tape
Home:
The Ultimates - The Triskelion: military base with the highest tech equipment available, sponsored by military intelligence of S.H.I.E.L.D.
The Avengers - The Avengers Mansion: posh, swanky, comes with own personal butler
Most powerful member:
The Ultimates - Thor: new-age freak of nature
The Avengers - The Mighty Thor: The Odinson, God of Thunder
Liable to destroy the team at any given moment:
The Ultimates - Hulk: horny and has a mad-on for using people's heads as toilets
The Avengers - Scarlet Witch: insane in the membrane with reality altering powers
Most hated scripter of their adventures:
The Ultimates - Mark Millar: He let the Wasp singlehandedly take down Hulk! The wuss!
The Avengers - Brian Michael Bendis: He killed some Avengers and disbanded the team! The swine!
Useless sidekick:
The Ultimates - Jarvis the butler
The Avengers - D-Man, smells like crap
THE PLAYERS:
When America needs to develop its own government-sponsored superhero strike force, S.H.I.E.L.D. general Nick Fury is entrusted in recruiting America's most powerful heroes to serve as members of the superpowered initiative known as The Ultimates!
Earth's mightiest heroes banded together to fight against the forces no single hero could stand up to. Whenever the world is in danger, the human race can take solace in knowing that in their darkest hour, they can heed the rally cry of "Avengers Assemble!"
THE BATTLE:
Tired of constantly being The Avengers' whipping boy, a mischievious Loki amuses himself watching an alternate world version of The Avengers easily defeating the alien Chitauri race...and then turning on each other with maximum catastrophic results! Noting this unfamiliar team's penchant for brutality, Loki casts a spell that teleports his sworn enemies, The Avengers, into the heart of the Triskelion, causing a few thousand S.H.I.E.L.D soldiers to simultaneously implode from the vacuum created by the wormhole portal!
Startled at the invaders, the remaining S.H.I.E.L.D forces all start pointing their hi-tech rifles at the Avengers, who are still seated at their polished pine table, trying to finish their afternoon tea!
"What treachery be this?" yells an enraged Thor as he warily eyes several S.H.I.E.L.D agents starting to assemble some sort of projectile launcher. "Attac....!" a S.H.I.E.L.D commander starts to yell out, but before he can finish his sentence, the entire battalion is down on the ground unconscious with their weapons disassembled, courtesy of the fleetfooted Quicksilver! "A piece of cake..." the arrogant Pietro starts to remark, when he gets floored by a repulsor blast from the sky.
"Take them down hard and fast!" growls Ultimate Captain America, as he releases himself from Giant Man's grip and executes a perfect rolling somersault, landing face-to-face with his Marvel universe counterpart. Both combatants eye each other warily as they start testing each other...a strike, a parry, a thrust, a dodge. The rest of the teams start pairing up against each other. Ultimate Quicksilver easily dispatches his counterpart who's still dazed from Ultimate Iron Man's repulsor blast. Natasha Romanoff easily dodges the bullets from her Ultimate counterpart's assault rifle and knocks her out cold with a couple of well placed widow's bite blasts. Clint Barton takes out Ultimate Hawkeye with a strategically well-placed boxing glove.
Ultimate Iron Man realises first hand how inadequate his armour is when compared to Tony Stark's, when Stark's own armour easily out maneuovres it in mid-air...Ultimate Iron Man's armour moves like a rock in the sky and Tony easily accounts for his counterpart. The Odinson gets his ass handed to him by Ultimate Thor, who's willing to cut loose with everything he has. Janet Pym has too much fighting prowess for Ultimate Wasp and Ultimate Giant Man is much too big and strong for Hank Pym.
Meanwhile, Steve Rogers and Ultimate Cap have reached a stalemate, neither one giving an inch or backing down to the other. Suddenly Rogers tucks his shield to his side and stretches out an open right palm towards Ultimate Cap. "This is pointless. I don't know why we're being attacked for no reason. We're too evenly matched. Both of us are soldiers, you and I. Call off your troops and I'll call off mine...surely the two of us can reach a diplomatic solution?" says Rogers with a smile on his face.
Ultimate Cap looks at Rogers' outstretched hand, grins, then reaches out and shakes it...and without warning, he kicks Rogers' hard in the gonads! Rogers drops to his knees, using his free left hand to grab his crotch in pain. Without letting go of Rogers' right hand, Ultimate Cap uses his shield and smashes Rogers in the face, knocking him out cold.
"Diplomatic solution? In my language, that means surrender," smirks Ultimate Cap. Ultimate Cap then points to the "A" on his head and yells: "And surrender? SURRENDER?! YOU THINK THIS LETTER ON MY HEAD STANDS FOR FRANCE??!!" Ultimate Cap starts to walk away, then turns back and says to a prone Rogers: "The letter on this head stands for 'Asshole'. As in, I'm willing to fight dirty to get the win, scumbag."
Suddenly, Wanda Maximoff starts to lose a grip on reality after being subject to one of Ultimate Scarlet Witch's hex spells. "ARRRRGHH!!!" Wanda yells, as reality starts to fracture around her. Ultimate Scarlet Witch gets caught up in the vortex and is blinked out of existence in less than a nanosecond! More and more heroes start getting hurled into the vortex...and into oblivion. Tony Stark, Ultimate Giant Man, Quicksilver... "Pietro!" Wanda screams, but it is too late to save her brother. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a lumbering beast drops out of the sky and lands next to Wanda, obliterating the ground beneath him. The beast aims a backhand at Wanda's head, knocking it clean off and dispersing the reality-ending vortex.
"Mission accomplished, Banner," a loudspeaker cries out from the helicopter above, with Nick Fury signalling for Hulk to finish off the other Marvel Universe opponents. Hulk does exactly that, easily accounting for and dispatching the rest of The Avengers with brutal efficiency. But after the last Avenger has fallen, Hulk, in a mindless bloodrage, turns on his Ultimate teammates! "HULK SMASH!" yells the behemoth, as Ultimate Cap and Thor throw themselves headfirst into battle with one of their own.
Winners: The Ultimates...that is, if they don't kill themselves after beating The Avengers!
That took me a while to write! Phew! Maybe I should do away with team battles...it's much easier just going with single characters!
I was originally going for an angle where Scarlet Witch notices Ultimate Quicksilver and drops the devillish remark of: "He may look just like my brother, but what a hunk!" then decides that it's not incest if you're...erm...committing adultery with your alternate world brother, and the two of them walk off hand in hand...or speed off to some seedy motel somewhere. :p
But which Avengers roster should be represented? I guess since the two teams are duking it out, it'd be fair to have each team be represented by their alternative world counterparts, yeah? So we can tell which Hawkeye is better, which Black Widow is deadlier, etc etc.
Tale of the Tape
Home:
The Ultimates - The Triskelion: military base with the highest tech equipment available, sponsored by military intelligence of S.H.I.E.L.D.
The Avengers - The Avengers Mansion: posh, swanky, comes with own personal butler
Most powerful member:
The Ultimates - Thor: new-age freak of nature
The Avengers - The Mighty Thor: The Odinson, God of Thunder
Liable to destroy the team at any given moment:
The Ultimates - Hulk: horny and has a mad-on for using people's heads as toilets
The Avengers - Scarlet Witch: insane in the membrane with reality altering powers
Most hated scripter of their adventures:
The Ultimates - Mark Millar: He let the Wasp singlehandedly take down Hulk! The wuss!
The Avengers - Brian Michael Bendis: He killed some Avengers and disbanded the team! The swine!
Useless sidekick:
The Ultimates - Jarvis the butler
The Avengers - D-Man, smells like crap
THE PLAYERS:
When America needs to develop its own government-sponsored superhero strike force, S.H.I.E.L.D. general Nick Fury is entrusted in recruiting America's most powerful heroes to serve as members of the superpowered initiative known as The Ultimates!
Earth's mightiest heroes banded together to fight against the forces no single hero could stand up to. Whenever the world is in danger, the human race can take solace in knowing that in their darkest hour, they can heed the rally cry of "Avengers Assemble!"
THE BATTLE:
Tired of constantly being The Avengers' whipping boy, a mischievious Loki amuses himself watching an alternate world version of The Avengers easily defeating the alien Chitauri race...and then turning on each other with maximum catastrophic results! Noting this unfamiliar team's penchant for brutality, Loki casts a spell that teleports his sworn enemies, The Avengers, into the heart of the Triskelion, causing a few thousand S.H.I.E.L.D soldiers to simultaneously implode from the vacuum created by the wormhole portal!
Startled at the invaders, the remaining S.H.I.E.L.D forces all start pointing their hi-tech rifles at the Avengers, who are still seated at their polished pine table, trying to finish their afternoon tea!
"What treachery be this?" yells an enraged Thor as he warily eyes several S.H.I.E.L.D agents starting to assemble some sort of projectile launcher. "Attac....!" a S.H.I.E.L.D commander starts to yell out, but before he can finish his sentence, the entire battalion is down on the ground unconscious with their weapons disassembled, courtesy of the fleetfooted Quicksilver! "A piece of cake..." the arrogant Pietro starts to remark, when he gets floored by a repulsor blast from the sky.
"Take them down hard and fast!" growls Ultimate Captain America, as he releases himself from Giant Man's grip and executes a perfect rolling somersault, landing face-to-face with his Marvel universe counterpart. Both combatants eye each other warily as they start testing each other...a strike, a parry, a thrust, a dodge. The rest of the teams start pairing up against each other. Ultimate Quicksilver easily dispatches his counterpart who's still dazed from Ultimate Iron Man's repulsor blast. Natasha Romanoff easily dodges the bullets from her Ultimate counterpart's assault rifle and knocks her out cold with a couple of well placed widow's bite blasts. Clint Barton takes out Ultimate Hawkeye with a strategically well-placed boxing glove.
Ultimate Iron Man realises first hand how inadequate his armour is when compared to Tony Stark's, when Stark's own armour easily out maneuovres it in mid-air...Ultimate Iron Man's armour moves like a rock in the sky and Tony easily accounts for his counterpart. The Odinson gets his ass handed to him by Ultimate Thor, who's willing to cut loose with everything he has. Janet Pym has too much fighting prowess for Ultimate Wasp and Ultimate Giant Man is much too big and strong for Hank Pym.
Meanwhile, Steve Rogers and Ultimate Cap have reached a stalemate, neither one giving an inch or backing down to the other. Suddenly Rogers tucks his shield to his side and stretches out an open right palm towards Ultimate Cap. "This is pointless. I don't know why we're being attacked for no reason. We're too evenly matched. Both of us are soldiers, you and I. Call off your troops and I'll call off mine...surely the two of us can reach a diplomatic solution?" says Rogers with a smile on his face.
Ultimate Cap looks at Rogers' outstretched hand, grins, then reaches out and shakes it...and without warning, he kicks Rogers' hard in the gonads! Rogers drops to his knees, using his free left hand to grab his crotch in pain. Without letting go of Rogers' right hand, Ultimate Cap uses his shield and smashes Rogers in the face, knocking him out cold.
"Diplomatic solution? In my language, that means surrender," smirks Ultimate Cap. Ultimate Cap then points to the "A" on his head and yells: "And surrender? SURRENDER?! YOU THINK THIS LETTER ON MY HEAD STANDS FOR FRANCE??!!" Ultimate Cap starts to walk away, then turns back and says to a prone Rogers: "The letter on this head stands for 'Asshole'. As in, I'm willing to fight dirty to get the win, scumbag."
Suddenly, Wanda Maximoff starts to lose a grip on reality after being subject to one of Ultimate Scarlet Witch's hex spells. "ARRRRGHH!!!" Wanda yells, as reality starts to fracture around her. Ultimate Scarlet Witch gets caught up in the vortex and is blinked out of existence in less than a nanosecond! More and more heroes start getting hurled into the vortex...and into oblivion. Tony Stark, Ultimate Giant Man, Quicksilver... "Pietro!" Wanda screams, but it is too late to save her brother. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a lumbering beast drops out of the sky and lands next to Wanda, obliterating the ground beneath him. The beast aims a backhand at Wanda's head, knocking it clean off and dispersing the reality-ending vortex.
"Mission accomplished, Banner," a loudspeaker cries out from the helicopter above, with Nick Fury signalling for Hulk to finish off the other Marvel Universe opponents. Hulk does exactly that, easily accounting for and dispatching the rest of The Avengers with brutal efficiency. But after the last Avenger has fallen, Hulk, in a mindless bloodrage, turns on his Ultimate teammates! "HULK SMASH!" yells the behemoth, as Ultimate Cap and Thor throw themselves headfirst into battle with one of their own.
Winners: The Ultimates...that is, if they don't kill themselves after beating The Avengers!
That took me a while to write! Phew! Maybe I should do away with team battles...it's much easier just going with single characters!
I was originally going for an angle where Scarlet Witch notices Ultimate Quicksilver and drops the devillish remark of: "He may look just like my brother, but what a hunk!" then decides that it's not incest if you're...erm...committing adultery with your alternate world brother, and the two of them walk off hand in hand...or speed off to some seedy motel somewhere. :p
Friday, September 14, 2007
LMS: Marvel Zombies Vs Dawn of the Dead Zombies Vs 28 Weeks Later Zombies
You know this would happen sooner or later, consider how aptly our blog is titled: A trifecta battle of zombies!
Cue klaxon blaring and a monster truck announcer yelling out:
ZOMBIES ZOMBIES ZOMBIES on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!
Tale of the Tape
From:
Marvel Zombies - An alternate Marvel universe
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - Milwaukee, Wisconsin aka Cheese Country
28 Weeks Later Zombies - Dreary olde England
Powers:
Marvel Zombies - the adamantium claws and healing factor of Wolverine, the repulsor rays and many other weapons of Iron Man, the strength of the Hulk...basically all the powers of the heroes (and villains) of the Marvel Universe
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - able to run really fast
28 Weeks Later Zombies - able to grunt loudly, make really terrifying noises and explode messily
Disposition:
Marvel Zombies - often cheery, but occasionally pissed off
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - aggressive, violent and think the whole world owes them a feeding
28 Weeks Later Zombies - stoned, like permanently on weed and other drugs
Favourite body part to eat:
Marvel Zombies - spleen
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - liver
28 Weeks Later Zombies - brain
Human protagonist(s) that killed most of their numbers:
Marvel Zombies - Ashley J. Williams
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - Ving Rhames and Sarah Polley
28 Weeks Later Zombies - Cillian Murphy
THE PLAYERS:
Led by Colonel America, the Avengers sought to stop the invasion of their planet by an infected Sentry. But all it took was one bite, then another, and another, and soon the Marvel Universe ceased to exist, and born was a world...of Marvel Zombies!
No one knows what started the outbreak of infections that led to the rise of Zombies in Wisconsin. The zombie infection plague spread wide and fast across the state and soon the rest of America was infected in less than 36 hours. As the food supply drastically decreases, all the Dawn of the Dead Zombies can do...is feel even hungrier.
In England, chimpanzees that were dosed with the deadly "Rage virus" were freed by witless animal rights activists...who were the first to be attacked and bitten by the chimps, turning them into mindless zombies, seeking only to infect the rest of the United Kingdom!
THE BATTLE:
As Ashley J. Williams jumps through the wormhole created by the Necronomicon, he turns back and gives the Marvel Zombies (MZs) the finger. Enraged, Sorcerer Supreme Dr Strange casts a magical spell that keeps the wormhole open...and soon the MZs are jumping through the wormhole to catch the boomstick-wielding sonovagun! A hungry Hulk smashes his way to the front of the pack, only to accidentally crush Dr Strange's head, breaking his concentration and sending the MZs spinning wildly out of control in the wormhole and crash landing in the old remains of Big Ben in London.
"Wrrr?" one of the 28 Weeks Later Zombies (28WLZs) grunts, as it looks up just in time to catch a kick in the face from your friendly and rotting neighbourhood Spider-man. "Ewww...gross! I've heard of getting ahead, but this is ridiculous!" Spidey exclaims as the zombie's head explodes at the slightest of touches. The 28WLZs stop chasing a hapless Cillian Murphy and turn to face their new enemies. What they lack in firepower, they more than make up for in numbers, and the 28WLZs charge in blindly, hoping to swarm the MZs en masse.
Without warning, large ocean liner smashes into one of the jetties across the River Thames and the battle is soon joined by the Dawn of the Dead Zombies (DDZs), fresh from eviscerating Ving Rhames and Sarah Polley and making the transatlantic trip all the way from the US! The battle is joined as all the zombies start tearing into each other in an attempt to put their breed at the top of the food chain. Sinews tear, legs break, brains explode as the sound of gnashing and gnawing escalate to a feverish pitch.
An enraged Hulk goes ballistic and yells out: "RRRAAGH! Hulk mad! And the madder Hulk gets, the hungrier Hulk gets! Hulk hungriest one there is!" And with that, Hulk bites down on the head of a DDZ and an arm of a 28WLZ. "You no taste very good. Hulk feel sick," exclaims Hulk as he regurgitates the nasty rotting flesh from his mouth.
"Citizens, stop! Can't you see this fighting is pointless?" yells Colonel America, as he kicks a DDZ in the groin. "Why all this pointless fighting? We should be working together to look for fresh meat to feast on!" All the zombies give pause momentarily. Wolverine sniffs the air and locates Cillian Murphy, who's trying to hide unsuccessfully in the clock face of Big Ben. "GET HIM!" yells Luke Cage, as a mass of zombies all surge towards the hapless Murphy. "No no, get AWAY! Leave me alone! I was the Scarecrow in Batman Begins! I was the terrifying villain in Red Eye! I was..." But his words get cut short as Iron Man, able to move faster than all the other zombies, thanks to his armour, takes a big chomp out of Murphy's oesophagus.
"Come on guys! There's plenty of him for just us Avengers," Iron Man says, as he flies off with Murphy's body, motioning for the rest of the MZs to follow him. The DDZs and 28WLZs try to follow in vain as they realise their greatest failing: none of them can fly! The MZs all work together and fly, leap or swing their way away from the carnage, while the DDZs and 28WLZs are left stranded to wander around fruitlessly, wondering where their next meal will be coming from.
Winners: The Marvel Zombies
Hope that one went well. What do you think, Theo? There really shouldn't be any question about the Marvel Zombies winning this one...it's like Brazil taking on Singapore in football.
Cue klaxon blaring and a monster truck announcer yelling out:
ZOMBIES ZOMBIES ZOMBIES on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!
Tale of the Tape
From:
Marvel Zombies - An alternate Marvel universe
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - Milwaukee, Wisconsin aka Cheese Country
28 Weeks Later Zombies - Dreary olde England
Powers:
Marvel Zombies - the adamantium claws and healing factor of Wolverine, the repulsor rays and many other weapons of Iron Man, the strength of the Hulk...basically all the powers of the heroes (and villains) of the Marvel Universe
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - able to run really fast
28 Weeks Later Zombies - able to grunt loudly, make really terrifying noises and explode messily
Disposition:
Marvel Zombies - often cheery, but occasionally pissed off
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - aggressive, violent and think the whole world owes them a feeding
28 Weeks Later Zombies - stoned, like permanently on weed and other drugs
Favourite body part to eat:
Marvel Zombies - spleen
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - liver
28 Weeks Later Zombies - brain
Human protagonist(s) that killed most of their numbers:
Marvel Zombies - Ashley J. Williams
Dawn of the Dead Zombies - Ving Rhames and Sarah Polley
28 Weeks Later Zombies - Cillian Murphy
THE PLAYERS:
Led by Colonel America, the Avengers sought to stop the invasion of their planet by an infected Sentry. But all it took was one bite, then another, and another, and soon the Marvel Universe ceased to exist, and born was a world...of Marvel Zombies!
No one knows what started the outbreak of infections that led to the rise of Zombies in Wisconsin. The zombie infection plague spread wide and fast across the state and soon the rest of America was infected in less than 36 hours. As the food supply drastically decreases, all the Dawn of the Dead Zombies can do...is feel even hungrier.
In England, chimpanzees that were dosed with the deadly "Rage virus" were freed by witless animal rights activists...who were the first to be attacked and bitten by the chimps, turning them into mindless zombies, seeking only to infect the rest of the United Kingdom!
THE BATTLE:
As Ashley J. Williams jumps through the wormhole created by the Necronomicon, he turns back and gives the Marvel Zombies (MZs) the finger. Enraged, Sorcerer Supreme Dr Strange casts a magical spell that keeps the wormhole open...and soon the MZs are jumping through the wormhole to catch the boomstick-wielding sonovagun! A hungry Hulk smashes his way to the front of the pack, only to accidentally crush Dr Strange's head, breaking his concentration and sending the MZs spinning wildly out of control in the wormhole and crash landing in the old remains of Big Ben in London.
"Wrrr?" one of the 28 Weeks Later Zombies (28WLZs) grunts, as it looks up just in time to catch a kick in the face from your friendly and rotting neighbourhood Spider-man. "Ewww...gross! I've heard of getting ahead, but this is ridiculous!" Spidey exclaims as the zombie's head explodes at the slightest of touches. The 28WLZs stop chasing a hapless Cillian Murphy and turn to face their new enemies. What they lack in firepower, they more than make up for in numbers, and the 28WLZs charge in blindly, hoping to swarm the MZs en masse.
Without warning, large ocean liner smashes into one of the jetties across the River Thames and the battle is soon joined by the Dawn of the Dead Zombies (DDZs), fresh from eviscerating Ving Rhames and Sarah Polley and making the transatlantic trip all the way from the US! The battle is joined as all the zombies start tearing into each other in an attempt to put their breed at the top of the food chain. Sinews tear, legs break, brains explode as the sound of gnashing and gnawing escalate to a feverish pitch.
An enraged Hulk goes ballistic and yells out: "RRRAAGH! Hulk mad! And the madder Hulk gets, the hungrier Hulk gets! Hulk hungriest one there is!" And with that, Hulk bites down on the head of a DDZ and an arm of a 28WLZ. "You no taste very good. Hulk feel sick," exclaims Hulk as he regurgitates the nasty rotting flesh from his mouth.
"Citizens, stop! Can't you see this fighting is pointless?" yells Colonel America, as he kicks a DDZ in the groin. "Why all this pointless fighting? We should be working together to look for fresh meat to feast on!" All the zombies give pause momentarily. Wolverine sniffs the air and locates Cillian Murphy, who's trying to hide unsuccessfully in the clock face of Big Ben. "GET HIM!" yells Luke Cage, as a mass of zombies all surge towards the hapless Murphy. "No no, get AWAY! Leave me alone! I was the Scarecrow in Batman Begins! I was the terrifying villain in Red Eye! I was..." But his words get cut short as Iron Man, able to move faster than all the other zombies, thanks to his armour, takes a big chomp out of Murphy's oesophagus.
"Come on guys! There's plenty of him for just us Avengers," Iron Man says, as he flies off with Murphy's body, motioning for the rest of the MZs to follow him. The DDZs and 28WLZs try to follow in vain as they realise their greatest failing: none of them can fly! The MZs all work together and fly, leap or swing their way away from the carnage, while the DDZs and 28WLZs are left stranded to wander around fruitlessly, wondering where their next meal will be coming from.
Winners: The Marvel Zombies
Hope that one went well. What do you think, Theo? There really shouldn't be any question about the Marvel Zombies winning this one...it's like Brazil taking on Singapore in football.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
LMS: White Martian Vs Super Skrull
Ian says: You have been edited!
Tale of the Tape
Tale of the Tape
Height:
White Martian - variable (6'4 usually)
Super Skrull - variable (6'2 usually)
Weight:
White Martian - variable (250 lbs usually)
Super Skrull - variable (220 lbs usually)
Complexion:
White Martian - Granite smooth and pasty-white
Super Skrull - like the surface of the moon...in green
Hates:
White Martian - other Martians that aren't white (wot a racist!)
Super Skrull - Earthlings
Classic embarassing moment:
White Martian - Being mistaken for the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man
Super Skrull - Losing a fight to Dazzler
THE PLAYERS:
Powerful adversaries to the Justice League of America (JLA), the White Martians' schemes of world domination were thwarted by the JLA and subsequently brainwashed by Green Martian J'onn J'onzz and Aquaman to live as humans among humans.
Forced by Kree aggression, the Skrulls became a militaristic civilisation and currently use their advanced technologies and shape-shifting powers in their attempts to conquer the Universe.
THE BATTLE:
Freed from the mental confines of believing that he is only human, the white Martian, Fluxus, screams in anger for the blood of J'onn J'onzz. He catches a glimpse of green flying in the far horizon and flies at it, believing his target to be the J'onn, hitting a surprised Skrull, Kl'rt, squarely in the chest. Kl'rt very quickly recovers, changes his arm to be like The Thing's, and pummels Fluxus, while wrapping around him tightly a la Reed Richards. Fluxus, still fresh from his confusion, screams, "Is that the best you can do, J'onn?!" He shapeshifts into Superman and slugs Kl'rt with a powerful right hook. Stunned, Kl'rt quickly turns invisible to observe his opponent, but Fluxus quickly locates him telepathically and attacks him with psi-spikes to the head. Kl'rt shrieks in pain and in a panicked attempt, uses the powers of Johnny Storm. The last thing Fluxus remembers is his own howl of pain as he catches fire and falls to the sea...
---
Woot, gonna need your help again with editing this one, Ian! :oP Can't think of anything for Tale of The Tape yet. :oP
LMS: Batman Vs Iron Man
Tale of the Tape
Height:
Batman - 6'1
Iron Man - 6'8 (in armour, 6'1 as Tony Stark)
Weight:
Batman - 190 lbs
Iron Man - 1 ton (in armour, 170 lbs as Tony Stark)
Movie Girlfriend of choice:
Batman - Katie Holmes
Iron Man - Gwyneth Paltrow
Richer than:
Batman - Montgomery Burns
Iron Man - Richard Branson
Likes to spend money on:
Batman - Those wonderful toys
Iron Man - Alcohol
THE PLAYERS: After watching a mugger murder his parents, young Bruce Wayne embarked on a one-man war on crime, prowling the night as the brooding vigilante Batman!
After being injured near fatally by a exploded bomb's fragment inching its way towards his heart and held captive by terrorists, Tony Stark built himself a suit to keep his heart pumping and introduce himself to the world as the Armoured Avenger, Iron Man!
THE BATTLE:
Fresh from his knock-down no-holds-barred battle against Bane, Batman staggers away from the dank sewers, thankful that his spine is left intact from his latest skirmish with the drugged-up powerhouse. As Batman climbs out of the sewers, he hears an almost inaudible whine of hi-tech twin jet engines. Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! "Must be one of Toyman's gadgets," thinks Batman, observing a shiny red and gold glint careening across the sky. "This ends tonight!" Batman vows and pursues his target. Meanwhile, Iron Man's proximity alert informs him of a volley of fast approaching projectiles. He swings around but cannot avoid the exploding Batarangs, which temporarily blind and ground him. Batman seizes the opportunity to land a roundhouse kick into Iron Man's headpiece, with no discernable effect other than giving Bats a sore foot. Batman knows he has to end this battle fast, and unleashes a volley of batarangs at Iron Man's head.
Determined to get the unknown pointy eared assailant away from him, Iron Man fires up his chest-mounted unibeam and Batman unceremoniously crashes onto Wayne Tower's roof below. Batman quickly realises that he can't match his opponent's powered suit and decides to get crafty. He throws a smoke bomb to cover his tracks and flings more batarangs at Iron Man, striking his head, arms and chest. "Were those meant to stop me?" the unethereal voice intones from the suit. "No," Batman growls, "They were." and presses a trigger on his belt. A strong short range electromagnetic pulse fires up from the Batarangs' deposits and courses through Iron Man, sending him plummeting to the hard ground below and leaving him unconscious from the crash.
Somewhere in Wayne Tower, an oblivious cleaner turns up the volume to his favourite song and hums "Another one bites the dust..."
LOL, well.. feel free to edit this Ian. I'm not sure if I can do enough justice to both characters in this. :oP Oh, will need your help to add their stats etc, like the LMS ones in your blog. Heh heh!
Ian, in mechanical robotic voice: Edit complete!
Last Man Standing
Alrighty! Seems like the LMS feature is down to the last few based on Ian's blog, so we thought, why not come up with a few LMS situations ourselves?
It would also mean less drawing work for me (I'm a poor overloaded engrg student *sob* ) since I could just draw a picture/panel and have the words work out the rest.
Anyway, I was thinking that I'd sure as heck LOVE to see a Batman vs Iron Man LMS feature. I mean, both of them are rich and both of them love their gadgets!
So how about it, eh? :oD
It would also mean less drawing work for me (I'm a poor overloaded engrg student *sob* ) since I could just draw a picture/panel and have the words work out the rest.
Anyway, I was thinking that I'd sure as heck LOVE to see a Batman vs Iron Man LMS feature. I mean, both of them are rich and both of them love their gadgets!
So how about it, eh? :oD
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